Today I was prompted to pen down my thoughts on a phenomenon that troubled me. I am usually a patient person with deep trust in relationships. I understand when sometimes people behave out of character but when it starts to become a pattern I start wondering. The first thought that comes to my mind is Have I done something to upset this person? I try to reach out and communicate and ask for clarification but when the responses are cold I know I need to just stop and be patient.
The problem is its not that easy especially when that person is someone close to you. It causes doubts and can create misunderstandings and even negativity. Some time back, I was challenged with the same situation when a few of my close friends felt I had changed and was not as responsive as I usually am. At my end, I know I was struggling with health issues and constant pain that affected my behaviours but I expected others; specially people close to me to understand, but alas this did not happen and I found myself clarifying the situation and also feeling misunderstood and lonely.
Incidentally, I was again in self-doubt recently because of the changed behaviour of a loved one and I could not figure out what had gone wrong. Later, I realised a stressful issue had caused a temporary change in their behaviour; it had nothing to do with me.
The truth is we are too quick to judge, often failing to contemplate the situation of the person. It certainly does not help if you tell the person who is already struggling with some issue that they have changed. I try to practice patience and have faith. Sometimes all of us go through situations in life where we need space for our selves; we need to process stuff or deal with it. Of course there may be other reasons for changed behaviours and perhaps that is a signal for us to take stock and review the relationship.
Have you faced something similar? Open communication is great, but what if you are faced with cold responses? Any thoughts?
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In my case Im the one who has done the changing. My friend has a habit of being impressionable and it gets to me. This is because most of the time I find myself talking to a carbon copy instead of my friend. I want us to stay apart till he finds himself.
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Thanks for your comment O.D. I thinkl every situation is unique, I feel I sometimes start mirroring the emotions of my partner. It does not help of course as empathy is one thing but getting so effected by the other person’s energy is a big challenge. I am not a therapist, just trying to rationalize my thoughts in a positive manner. Its good to read others thoughts on the subject.
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