5 Things that help you become stronger

There are times in our lives when we feel down, aches and pains seem to envelop us. There is no energy or will to move on. However, life has to go on and only we can actually get ourselves out of this dismal state. The top 5 things that helped me to move on in dark times are ….

1. Forgive those who have hurt you

Definitely not easy, it takes a lot of strength to actually overcome that negativity and trauma. However, it has become my no.1 survival technique. I forgive not because I am selfless and have a big heart but because I cannot carry that heavy baggage around. Unless I put aside that baggage, I am unable to see the road ahead. Makes sense? .. Try it you will definitely feel much lighter and stronger.

2.  Stop living in the past

How can we ever see a new future when we constantly think, complain about or dwell in the past. What happened earlier, happened for a reason. Learn from the challenges and mistakes and start a new chapter in your life. Your life is what you make of it. Follow your dreams, life is too short to be wasted in self-pity and anger.

3.  Look after your well-being

Eat well, sleep well, exercise daily. A healthy body develops a healthy mind, it keeps you energised and charged to take on whatever life throws at you. Meditate, pray, practice mindfulness .. spend sometime on emotional and spiritual well-being.

4. Stay away from negative people

We absorb the energy of the people around us. Surround yourself with people who make you feel confident and happy and stay away from those who only put you down. Learn to differentiate between sincere advice and criticism from  a good friend and judgmental callous remarks from others.

5. Practice Gratitude

Every single day, every moment of our lives we have so much to be thankful for. Develop an attitude of gratitude by focussing on what you have not what you don’t have. See the shift in your mood when instead of complaining for the electricity or gas bills of your home you feel grateful that you have a home to go to, unlike countless people who are homeless. Every breath you take naturally, every step you walk on your own is a reason to be grateful for your health. Try thinking of at least three things to be grateful for each night you go to bed and you will surely be blessed with good sleep and a fresh start in the morning.

What strategies helped you survive the dark times? Is there anything you wish to add to this list?

Coaching can help you overcome the barriers that are weighing you down. A coach can be your mentor and confidante who keeps you focussed and helps you achieve your dreams.  For details contact me or book a complementary Discovery Call on our Facebook page @thesparklingnewyou.

5 Things that stop you from being successful

Do you know what is your barrier to success? Are you a victim of limiting beliefs about yourself or too chained by societal pressures?  See the video below to find out what are the 5 things you need to avoid to become succesful.

Coaching can help you overcome the barriers that are limiting your success. For details contact me or book a complementary Discovery Call on our Facebook page @thesparklingnewyou.

OPEN YOUR DOOR TO SUCCESS-THE UNIVERSE IS CALLING!! (Special Offer)

 ” My mission is to help people lead a stress-free and successful life of their dreams“~Shaista 

Can you help me to come closer to my life’s mission for my birthday?

Special Birthday Offer for YOU

To celebrate my birthday this year I am offering a special 25% discount on life changing one-to-one personal coaching packages. These can be booked by clicking here.Don’t forget to use voucher code ‘WelcomeAugust’ to avail your discount. I can think of no better way to celebrate my birthday than be part of your journey of success.

For a FREE Discovery Call write to me at shaistakhan@eduservecommunity.org or book time here.

Hurry!!

Open your Door to Success-The Universe is Calling!

Sign up for FREE webinar on’5 Ways to Beat Fear and Conquer Change’

Hello everyone

I am so excited to invite you to my live webinar on Tuesday 7th August at 7.00 pm London time. This webinar is for anyone interested in personal development. It will introduce participants to successful strategies of beating anxiety; learn to create positive manifestations and build on their core values to have the life of their dreams. By following these simple yet powerful techniques you will learn how the universe has your back when you indulge in the right thought processes.

It will also introduce you to the proven Formula of Success and help you create your Date with Destiny, powerful tools that will give a taster of Transformation Coaching. Please share the link with anyone who you feel can benefit from these life changing ideas.

You can join from anywhere you are, sign up and log in at the allocated time according to your own time zone.

See you there!

Just click on this link to sign up and book your FREE webinar ticket. Coaching packages are also available on discount for a limited time only.

Follow our Facebook page @thesparklingnewyou to book a FREE Discovery call.

I landed with expectations and got consumed with fear….a tale of many new migrants

Change can be very daunting; especially when it is a result of external factors and not initiated by yourself. Yet, being the resilient and adaptable creatures we are we use our skills and experiences to make sense of the change. I sometimes meet young women from  small villages from Kashmir now living in a busy metropolis like London. They epitomise the perfect example of cultural adaptation. The transformations they have to go through to make a place for themselves in a modern country where women have a very different status from what they grew up believing; and the parental challenges they face are just few of the aspects of their huge struggles. Similarly young men and women coming to modern western countries from the developing world full of dreams and fired with enthusiasm in search of jobs often see themselves fall prey to dejection, loneliness and despair. They come with a mind set of giving their best, working very hard, often compromising on the life styles they are used to back home and bearing the separation of loved ones but even all these sacrifices are not enough to help them in their new country of choice. They are coping with so many changes in life at once- an onslaught of new information; dealing with a foreign culture; a different work culture having to interact with people who think and act differently than they are used to. Sounds tough… yet, the road is never too bleak. This transition period is a learning curve that polishes them, slowly they gain confidence and once they feel they ‘belong’ they start contributing as citizens. From ‘feeling lost‘ to ‘belonging‘ is a journey that varies for each individual.

This journey becomes bearable when you have a friend, a mentor or a coach to guide you. Have you ever felt lost? When ? How did you cope?

Should you be worried when people start changing?

Today I was prompted to pen down my thoughts on a phenomenon that troubled me. I am usually a patient person with deep trust in relationships. I understand when sometimes people behave out of character but when it starts to become a pattern I start wondering. The first thought that comes to my mind is Have I done something to upset this person? I try to reach out and communicate and ask for clarification but when the responses are cold I know I need to just stop and be patient.

The problem is its not that easy especially when that person is someone close to you. It causes doubts and can create misunderstandings and even negativity. Some time back, I was challenged with the same situation when a few of my close friends felt I had changed and was not as responsive as I usually am. At my end, I know I was struggling with health issues and constant pain that affected my behaviours but I expected others; specially people close to me to understand, but alas this did not happen and I found myself clarifying the situation and also feeling misunderstood and lonely.

Incidentally, I was again in self-doubt recently because of the changed behaviour of a loved one and I could not figure out what had gone wrong. Later, I realised a stressful issue had caused a temporary change in their behaviour; it had nothing to do with me.

The truth is we are too quick to judge, often failing to contemplate the situation of the person. It certainly does not help if you tell the person who is already struggling with some issue that they have changed. I try to practice patience and have faith. Sometimes all of us go through situations in life where we need space for our selves; we need to process stuff or deal with it. Of course there may be other reasons for changed behaviours and perhaps that is a signal for us to take stock and review the relationship.

Have you faced something similar? Open communication is great, but what if you are faced with cold responses? Any thoughts?

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“Mirror mirror on the wall, do I have what it takes to be…..”~an exercise on self-reflection

 

Are you a pussy cat who sees themselves as a lion? or a lion who appears to be a pussy cat? How realistic are your perceptions of yourself?

Are you in the midst of repositioning yourself in life. Looking for a more challenging and fulfilling career? Or at a crossroads deciding on which path to take? Often when we are faced with an important decision we start to contemplate and think about who we are, are we strong enough to take that jump or do we prefer to stay within our comfort zones.
Change can be very exciting as well as nerve racking, all depends on your state of mind. However, no matter at what stage in our life there is usually a vision in our minds. Successful people train their minds to visualise success. The law of attraction is simply about attracting things in our lives that we focus on.
This post will introduce you to a simple exercise that I find very effective at un-decisive times. Through self-reflection we are able to clarify our thoughts and focus on our real goals.
Start with a vision board of the ideal place you see yourself in, visualize the tiniest detail. What are you doing? Where are you living? What does your work area look like? How are you behaving? What are you wearing ? Who are your friends? What are you doing on a holiday etc., you can either draw this, make notes or even create a collage of pictures cut out of a magazine.
Once you have your vision in place, you know where you are headed. Now its time to find out if you have what it takes to be that person you wish to be. Whether you want to be the Chief Executive of a large corporation, a successful writer or a great father, you have to start acting like the person you wish become.
Its time to have a good look at yourself in the mirror.
What do you see? Who is this person in front of you? Do you identify with him/ her? Do you like this person? or you feel hopeless ?What is this person saying with his eyes, his look, the slight curve of his mouth.
Note the things you see, what you like and what you wish to change. Seems simple right? but it’s really not that simple.
How you perceive your physical reflection has to do a lot with how you perceive yourselves. Are there any nagging thoughts? What is your mind saying to you?
“I am the best and I deserve all success” or “I can never be the person I want to be”. “I don’t have the brains, or the confidence”, “I am not smart enough”, “I can’t do this because I don’t have time”, “I can’t do this because my husband won’t allow me”… 
Are you the blamer, the procrastinator or the risk-taker?
Keep going back to the mirror and quizzing yourself. Make a note of the voices you hear in your head. This mind chatter is not senseless, its your sub-conscious manifesting itself and making you take decisions. Look for repetitive patterns. These voices are your guide for the future.
Note down everything you hear your mind say.
Then sit down and rate each statement. How close to reality is each statement. Rate yourself on a scale of 0-10 with 10 being the highest score which represents your reality. Start working on the gaps you find. Depending on what your personal scoring is, you will be able to take an informed decision. Listen to your heart and if you really want an objective assessment discuss your analysis with a friend.
Your friend can be a good coach. In the darkest and most challenging phases of my life my friends have been my mentors and coaches I feel really blessed to have them.
To help you on your path practice the following:
1. Write positive affirmations about yourself start with at least 10 affirmations. These should reflect what you want to be or what you wish to do with your life. Always use the word ‘I’ and use the present tense.  eg. “I am always good at my job”. Read them aloud, this will help you get the negative thoughts out of your mind.
2. Look within yourself. Ask questions about yourself and understand your behaviours and your thoughts. Your subconscious makes you the person you believe you are. Meditate, reflect , start a journal.
3. Keep visualising, be creative, DREAM BIG!… YOU are UNSTOPPABLE
If you like contact me for an informal discussion. Coaching can help you to not only take an informed decision but also challenge you to be the best version of yourself and reach the heights of success you were born for…

My biggest takeaway of 2017….

I always thought I was a die-hard positive person and would be very conscious of using positive language in my communication but the past few months have made me realise our biggest motivator for change is PAIN!! Nothing makes one learn faster than the wisdom that comes from braving pain and coming out a victor.

 ” ‪Your deepest pain is your greatest gift if you learn how to use it”

~ Tony Robbins, #1 New York Times best-selling author, life and business strategist, philanthropist, entrepreneur

I went through a lot of personal emotional challenges at a young age. The greatest transformational point in my life was when my mother was diagnosed with cancer. I was in my final year at the university when doctors gave her a life sentence of a few more months to live. In a few months, we saw our mother lose her gruelling battle with cancer and at the young age of 24 when most girls are busy romanticizing the idea of a partner; I found myself being a mother to my five siblings; the youngest being only nine years old at that time. Not only that, the toughest part was acting as a partner to my father who now relied on me for all domestic matters. Personal challenges became even more difficult when my father also passed away within six years of my mother’s death. Now I had a checklist of things to do, get my sisters married and support my brothers so that they could stand on their feet. As a young single woman living in a conservative Pakistani society, I had to forge ahead very much on my own. I was very clear of what Allah had ascribed as my purpose of life. I had to be the nucleus for my siblings and carry out responsibilities that my parents’ early death had left me with. I wed off my sisters and supported my brothers in their academic pursuits.

As if God wanted to further hone my personality, the older one of my brother’s had a major emotional breakdown after my father’s death. At 28 years of age he was diagnosed with chronic schizophrenia. For the following nine years, I was main the carer of an adult mentally ill brother, the bread winner for my family and the ‘maika‘ for my married sisters making sure all cultural expectations of in-laws were appropriately met.

However, these life experiences made me a strong person, mainly because there was no other choice but to be strong. Hence, I feel our pains are actually a source of enrichment depending on how we deal with them.

As a coach, I learnt to help people gain clarity of their biggest pain that they wish to eliminate. By dealing with the core issue we can identify and address the underlying factors that hinder in the path of success. If you wish to tackle the pain in your life and move towards a more fulfilling and stress-free 2018, then contact me to set up time for an informal chat.

pain

How do you view pain in your life? What was your biggest takeaway in 2017?

Wishing you strength and prosperity in the New Year!

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